Thirty Lessons and Beliefs at Thirty
The Jellyfish Exhibit in Osaka Aquarium (2019)
*This was inspired by Michelle Andrews and Zara McDonald’s 30 Life Lessons at 30 Series
I generally look forward to my birthday. While every year is a reminder from my mother that it is a privilege to grow, I also see it as another opportunity to gather lessons as I navigate life. It would be fun to look back at my three decades and write down some of the great lessons or musings that has passed my way.
Note: Ones I remember the year it came are included!
15: Whether you like it or not, hard work (& desperation) will always get you somewhere. (Whether you like it or not)
This is probably my constant motto. Growing up in a competitive environment and studying in a self-competitive environment, it’s easy to realise that your own efforts will take you to some places. Sometimes it might not be what you want, but it will be a stepping stone to where you need to be.
29: The closure will come to you when you stop desperately seeking for it.
Somehow, last year was when all the answers that I was looking for came to me in waves when I was least expecting it. Much of it were to do with my relationships with various people - and after a chance encounter or conversation with them somehow offered clarity, especially when I’ve been at peace with the situation for many years.
18: Learning how to cook is a skill for your independence, and confidence and creativity
My counsellor was not wrong about this - but sometimes the time spent concentrating on a recipe really separates my professional and personal time.
24: ‘You live with yourself the longest,’ – Oh Mi-joo, Run On 2020; so show up for yourself in every way.
This has stuck with me ever since Mijoo spoke those words to her partner. It’s now become something that I reference to my friends, showing up for yourself and taking a stand for yourself is a way to enjoy living life with yourself.
26: It’s okay to say no, no matter how much it hurts the other party. Sometimes saying yes will become a dagger between two parties.
It took me a long time, but to be able to say no to things without guilt is an ongoing practice
It takes two to be vulnerable
As is to building trust and respect
15: Wear nice shoes to go to nice places
Because it’s important to feel good about yourself. Also I may have referenced this from Shizuka Todo (Hana Yori Dango!)
When doing something that is out of your comfort zone, treat it as an experience rather than a chore, you’ll be surprised by new stories
Also, E. Campbell once told me, “feeling uncomfortable while doing something is a stepping stone to growth”.
23: People will come and go into your lives, some of them will only be in a few chapters of your life to share a lesson
And for those who have left, it is important to remember them with grace and civility. Holding onto resentment will hinder you from brighter things.
Words of affirmation is equally important as actions
Manners will always be important to me, when actions fail me - words is my other support.
22: The saying “treat others how you’d like to be treated” doesn’t always stand true. Not all people are sincere, so never forget to take a stand for yourself.
At the end of the day, each person have their own principles and morals, but that doesn’t mean you should compromise if they make you feel small.
Remind your family and your closes ones how much you love them as often as you can
Because they deserve to know.
20: Solo travelling is probably the best thing you can ever do for yourself. How you learn to sit in silence and in your own company is a powerful and empowering feeling.
And what joy it brings when you can find your own stories that no one can take away from you.
There is such thing as ‘too busy’ – as responsibilities grow, our capacity to mentally care is challenged. Learn to understand where time is allocated
I used to be quite dismissive of those who say they never have time to action their agenda - but as time moves and responsibilities grow, I’m starting to understand what they mean.
14: Never hurts to arrive earlier – no matter what others say
It’s about respect, and manners
19: Stop trying to set a good example as a hope to motivate him to do better, for it is akin to impressing someone who will never try for you and take you for granted
Because - who are you doing it for at the end of the day? It’s not worth cutting your nose to spite your face.
26: Gardening cultivates patience, and rewards you reap will be priceless
And the patience you learn with allow you to appreciate other things in life.
Writing is equivalent to breathing. “When you write, you are crafting a thought” – D. Nyandega & D. Tomic Hughes
Because that is how I can express myself when speaking fails.
Film expires – so don’t be afraid to experiment with different moments. As does Polaroid, as does Instax…
Which is probably why I’m somewhere else right now, and why I develop my film in large batches. A fleeting moment deserves to be captured and composed.
Always service your typewriters. A little bit of love will give you an immense writing experience
Likewise with sewing machines, and any tools you love.
Let the pride go and ask for help. There is power in acknowledging what you don’t know; you are more capable than you realise when you question and try.
I’d rather look like an idiot for not knowing than be someone who refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoings. Even if I will probably spend a few days mulling over it.
“People can overestimate what they can do in one year, but underestimate what they can do in ten”
Thank you Eugenia Tan for giving me this lesson when I was going through a hard time. Because things will always take time to see light. Refer point 2.
Revisit what you have, reacquaint it and find the magic and romance before considering buying the next shiny thing.
Same with hobbies, and clothes, and any other material thing you have.
Never forget to seek Orion’s belt, and believe that it is Artemis’s love for him that allowed him to be with the stars
Because then, learning other constellations surrounding it makes the evening exciting.
Rushing for the bus is never worth it. Especially when a lost keyring and a ripped jacket was the price to pay
See the point below.
Some things do get “irretrievably lost” (1Q84, Murakami) – but that becomes a lesson along the way
There is a Cantonese saying “Po Choi Dong Joi 破財擋災 - to lose money to avoid worse misfortunes”. Sometimes something lost may be a trade off for something dire. And I’d like to believe the things that I’ve lost is a trade off for something worse.
Regret something you’ve done than something you didn’t do
I’d rather not face the terrible question of ‘what if?’
21: Jealousy is understandable, but you will learn to let it go as you learn to appreciate their achievements and their efforts and hard work
Jealousy breeds resentment, and becomes a potential trap of self-loathing. But as I grew to understand my insecurities in the past, somehow the fog clears. There will always be someone better than you in different things, but that doesn’t mean you can stew in jealousy, so rather than festering a hatred, turn it into a motivation to become a better person. You are with yourself the longest (see point 4.)
Wearing pants to a winter wedding is wonderful
Because they keep you warm.
“Sometimes, it is not asking who you are, but asking who you will become” – Paul Venet.
Especially when life is long.