2025: When your career becomes the walls of your vision
搭叮叮, Canon AE-1 (January, 2025)
“Spread so thin, I’m low on emotional bandwidth
The voice in my head speaks a different language”
- Nikki, ‘Split’ (2021)
As I am a step closer to turning thirty, I’ve found myself surrounded by the common notion where the year goes by faster than the previous. Part of me wonder if being thrown into the chaos of a new project at the office has made the notion almost a spell for myself and others, another part of me wonder if it is because I have become so preoccupied with career progression that I’ve hardly paid much attention to time.
Looking back at my past yearly recaps, it feels that every year is summarised by the ongoing fatigue and burn out, if not, the attempt to recover from an ongoing burnout. I have to admit though, I did experience actual burn out through two bouts of tonsillitis (one during the Easter break and one during the last week of the work year); and finding myself slipping away as I sat on the desk and turning to my project leader saying ‘I don’t think I can function’ (happened two days before I went on my annual leave). Through the intensity of it all, I ended up returning to Hong Kong twice this year for a physical and mental break.
The second time returning to Hong Kong, and walking through the streets that I grew up in without the need to capture it on film was a refreshing perspective. The most interesting part was, returning to my hometown also meant shutting off my brain from cycling different languages. Relishing through my mother tongue while not having to translate the voices in my head to another language was calming also. Nikki’s song ‘Split’ has perfectly summed up how I go about my life ‘Spread so thin, I’m low on emotional bandwidth/ the voice in my head speaks a different language’ the freedom of not needing to think constantly in different languages has become a different stress-relief I didn’t’ realise I needed.
While this year gave me the career break of finally returning to designing in the health sector (something I want to and will specialize in) – it meant I created a tunnel vision that reduced my mental capacity to focus on my identity outside of my day job. Despite the sadness of looking at my recording gear slowly gathering dust, other hobbies were reignited. I properly learned to use my Copic Markers that has been my desk companion of many years, finally banked up enough film rolls to develop at home and share them publicly once more, and rediscovering the joy that photography has brought me.
As written in my 2024 reflection, each year brings a lesson that would shape my insights and self-analysis. This year has opened my eyes to my reactions to various circumstances that tests my relationships with others. Let alone, situations that I have been placed at work has taught me to grow in ways that gives me more confidence despite the intimidation I face within the environment as an Asian Woman.
When I approached 2025, I had a level of optimism that I would be able to draw more and perhaps write more. Unfortunately, the idea of drawing everyday (through traditional materials) was not as successful as I’d like it to be. However, this year gave me the opportunity to try different things. The absence of my audio identity gave me time to focus on being part of Architect Victoria’s Editorial Committee (fulfilling my dream since my early uni days!) and starting a new space to write architecture and design reviews that has steadily been filling up my inbox.
I don’t know what to anticipate for 2026. But I do know next year will probably see a shift in my outlook on life. Jina once told me about Saturn Returns that occurs as I enter my thirties – and I shall say ‘bring it on!’. I look forward to the photos that I will be taking on film, and I look forward to seeing how I’ll grow as a team member for the hospital project that I’m working on. I look forward to the lessons that will be coming my way also.
And dare I say, hopefully a bit of romance can re-enter too!
This entry was written while the summer sun sets on Wurundjeri Land